mietosh

Grade: 7 Best Vacation: going to B.C with my family Birth Month: November Career Goals: I want to be a vet Favorite Band(s): Don't have one ...I guess they are all good Favorite Candy: Taffy Favorite Food: Ice cream Favorite Munchie: cheezies Favorite Soda: Cream soda Favorite Subject: Every thing Hobbies/Sports: Dancing Pet Peeve: My brother Pets: 1 dog Siblings: 2 sisters 1 brother Other things you should know about me...I like hanging out at home. reading. being with my friends. eating! I LOVE sleeping.watching t.v ...... I LOVE DANCING !!!!!

STORY DRAFT! Alien Story It was a nice sunny day in summer with butterflys and ants and the little itty bitty birds flying around singing their song in the year 2013..... That suddenly turned into a dark and stormy night! The wind was blowing like a hurricane! All of a sudden a thousand lights were shining down on our small town something was coming out of a green light. It looked small and insignificant almost the size of a meter stick. Then it grew 100 times it's size. It started to wreck everything! It was stomping all over town then more came. At that moment I realized that our small town was being attacked by... "ALIENS!!," Ahleah screamed in sarcasm because this had happened before. In the year 2012 the same aliens had invaded earth. Ahleah had befriended them. So they promised not to harm her or her friends. Nor would they destroy her family and her friends family. Ahleah said that they were probably here because they forgot something when they left one year ago. They started chasing Keely. Keely screamed and her eyes widened and she ran for a very long time.Then Keely tripped.Then she got up again and started running away again. they were probably after her because shes never actually believed in aliens after she said she always did. Because she never really saw an alien before because she was asleep when the aliens came a year ago. Then Ahleah grabbed Keely and gave her to the aliens. Then Ahleah said "It's for a good reason you deserve it for lying," "You will be back in about a month." Then the aliens thanked Ahleah and Kyra and Sam for catching Keely. Then the alien shrunk back to the size of a meter stick again and whispered in Ahleah's ear. Then left. Then Kyra asked Ahleah " What did the aliens tell you?" Ahleah said "The secret to crop circles!." Kyra said "Huh? Really?" Ahleah said "Yeah the crop circles are in the shape of a Penguin because the penguins are planning to take over the world and destroy all Dolphins because dolphins are smarter than penguins and they got jealous." Ahleah whispered to herself and said "And in 2015 I will bomb the world and create nuclear waste and create aliens of my own and make penguins our slaves!" Kyra said "What about Keely?" Ahleah looked at her in confusion and thought about it for a minute. "We'll turn her into a frog for the fun of it." A month had passed and the Aliens were back with Keely. Keely hopped out of the saucer Ahleah, Kyra and Sam looked a keely and their jaws dropped in shock! Keely had a satalite sticking out of the top of her head and it made a fuzzy sound coming from it almost like a Radio. Keely said "Did you guys say something?,". Sam and Kyra said at the same time "No,". Keely raised her eyebrow and said "Well, I'm sure you did,". Sam said "No,". Keely said "Maybe I'm going crazy but i am sure you guys said something,". The alien popped out of the bush and ran away. He hopped back into his Saucer and flew away Keely said "Wow i have a really bad imagination. I suddenly feel hungry!,". then a baby dragon flew out of her mouth! Then Sam said "Where did that come from!!!". Keely said " Well...,". Kyra said " C'mon don't beat around the bush!,". So Keely said "Well on the planet Hijymila they ate live baby dragons and swallowed them whole!,". Kyra's eyes widened and said "Really,". Then Keely said "Yeah they'd pick them up by there feet and swallow them.. you could hear the swish of the dragon in their mouths trying to escape but its too late,". Ahleah's jaw dropped and said "Wow.. I cant believe i gave you to the aliens,". Keely looked at her in an angry way and said "Thats kind of to late for that.. I've got an idea for you to make it up to me,". Keely looked at Ahleah with a grin on her face. Ahleah had this weird look on her face.. the face she makes when shes worried. Ahleah said "What are you going to do,". Keely said "Dont worry you'll be in good hands,". Keely pulled Ahleah by the arm to the space shuttle and sent her away. Ahleah ended up in a different place she figured she was on mars but she wasn't. She was on the dark side of the moon where when it gets really dark and the mysterious animals come out to feast on living creatures. Ahleah screamed and passed out an hour later she awoke back on her home planet. Keely was standing right beside her and said "APRIL FOOLS!!!!"

THE END

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)

it sounds a lot like war of the worlds

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? no satisfing climax; no satisfing resolution; the end doesn't make sense

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? characters are not life like and we can't understand the plot 4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement?

Saint Michael School
1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not? No 2. Be specific, try not to merely write, " this was good", instead explain what was good about it and why. I thought that the april fools made it worse 3. Nominate "Hall of Fame" stories. not a hall of fame one.