HA-Jessica

**Siblings: 1 sister 2 brothers mum and dad**
 * Hi, my name is Jessica **
 * Grade: 6 **
 * Best Holiday: Hamilton island QLD **
 * Birth Month: October **
 * Career Goals: Hair dresser **
 * Favorite Band(s): Mika **
 * Favorite Lolly: clinkers **
 * Favorite Food: toasted sandwiches **
 * Favorite Munchies: cashews **
 * Favorite soft drink: coke **
 * Favorite Subject: ICT, PE **
 * Hobbies/Sports: Netball **
 * Pet Peeve: people who talk while you’re watching TV!!! **
 * Pets: 3 cats 2 dogs and a horse **

<span style="color: rgb(233, 125, 236)"> 200 KILLER WASPS <span style="color: rgb(233, 125, 236)"> “Just through here master Randy.” Randy was an experienced geologists. He had heard many things about the diamonds in South Africa so he thought he should check it out. “Master Randy the diamonds that we are mining has some sort of sticky substance on them,” “well most likely the substance has something to do   With climate change, and please stop calling me master Randy!” “Sorry but climate change is not the answer. The sticky substance is either sap or honey!” Declared Max in a frightened voice. “Well let’s see what’s making these diamonds sticky!” Suddenly a big blob of something fell on Max’s head. “See what I mean about sticky!” Max and Randy journeyed deep into the mine until they came to the main room of diamonds. There were at least a dozen miners mining the diamonds. One of the miners had just found a diamond about the size of a vacuum cleaner. Then the miner joked. “How are we supposed to sell this? We’ll have to cut it up somehow!” Then Max led Randy into a small tunnel. Randy had to crouch down rather low because he was tall. Suddenly Max disappeared. “Hey down here!” Max had ventured down a five meter ladder. “This is as far as we have traveled. You see that tunnel over there?” He gestured his head towards a little tunnel. “That’s where we have not been we think that is where it is all coming from!” “Well lets going then.”Declared Randy in a frightened voice. It was dark so they brought a few torches with them. Suddenly there was a loud buzzing noise. It startled Both Randy and Max. “OH,” Cried Randy. “No wonder your diamonds are sticky because right up there are 200 KILLER WASPS!!!!” Screamed Randy The buzzing sounded like Humphrey bear had stuck his hand inside a bee hive and the bees were protesting. Luckily they didn’t see them. “Uh Randy I am allergic to wasps even saying the names makes me shiver so can we just call them buzzers?” Randy agreed he didn’t like saying the word either so there names were the buzzers! They didn’t want to draw attention to themselves so they kept down low. They had finally reached there destination. THE HIVE! “Now here’s the plan Max. We are going to set the hive on fire” Randy said the word ‘fire’ in a crazy voice. So they went up to the hive and bang the hive blew up like sticks of dynamite. “RUN!” shouted Max. The buzzers were flying towards the Smarties Max pushed a boulder in front of the small passage and bolted. So finally they knew what the sticky stuff was honey. They told the whole world their story and how they destroyed the hive. THE END! By Jessica

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) No it is original !

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? They got chased by 200 killer wasps

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? Will i like the names of you characters !!!

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? yes they do like me see the story

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? noting it is a good story

**SMS group 12**
1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)

**Yes the plot is very original.**
2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? ====**The problem thats the characters face is good but we feel that some things could be changed. There i not much suspense or tension but there is problems that the characters have to face that are very original. Well there are a couple of things that could be added first you could give more information on the characters it was a little confusing at first but not bad. There is also some things that could be changed like the setting we don't really know of many bee hives in caves bees are outside creatures but thats ok. Another thing is that we think the bombing of the bees was a little to harsh but we understand that you are being creative and we respect that. You don't have to change or add anything if you don't want it is just our opinions but over all your story was good.**====

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? ====**Well the characters are good and very life like, and they are also very enjoyable and fun to read about. We do, although we feel the characters need a little more description all we really know is there names and that they were in a cave.**====

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story?

**yes very this story is very imaginative and creative and fun to read about.**
5. What areas of the story need the most improvement?

Saint Michael School
1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not? Yes. The story would defenitely allow the story-teller to live another day. 2. Be specific, try not to merely write, " this was good", instead explain what was good about it and why. The characters had a lot of dialogue and it kept the story flowing. Also, the writing was creative and kept me interested till the end. 3. Nominate "Hall of Fame" stories.