NS-Craig+A

**//Who am I?//**
Hey I'm Craig Grade: 8 Best Vacation: Floridaaaaaaaa ! Birth Month: July Career Goals: To be a lawyer Favorite Band(s): Journey Favorite Candy: Skittles Favorite Food: CHICKEN ! Favorite Munchie: Munchos Favorite Soda: Pepsi Favorite Subject: Math Hobbies/Sports: Baseball fanatic and player, hockey fan and player. Go Ortiz 34. Pet Peeve: The noise of people who eat with their mouths open Pets: I have a cat and a dog Siblings: I have two. A brother and a sister.

 Hi I'm Marcus Flogfeller and I love hockey! My team the Bears are in last place in our league and we are terrible. So come read about our adventure to the top. ¡All tied up! “We lost, how come?” I said to myself as I checked my IM. Andy had left me a message about last night’s game. Our team the Bears is now in last place in our division. Yesterday we lost to the first place Thrashers. Their whole team was picked by the league commissioner Lawrence Crenshaw so they’re stacked. Our goalie Pat let in five goals in the third period and we went on to lose 10-2. The best player we have on our team is Luke and he sprained his ankle coming onto the bench last game. Our coach Mr. Brooks said that he’ll be alright but he also said that he’ll be out of the lineup for the playoffs. And now we’re spiraling out of control on a six game losing streak. “How did you guys lose? We had a full team except for me and the other team had seven players!” Just then the IM rang. Boy, is he on the computer all the time? “We where playing pretty well, but we fell apart in the third period when Stanley Ranger scored a hatrick.” “That team is stacked they’ve been somehow able to bring in other players from others leagues. Shouldn’t they get suspended?” “Nope, you’ve got to remember that Commissioner Crenshaw is their coach Mark.” “Bye!” And then I fell asleep . . . . .  I awoke to a thump. The sun was shining and the birds where chirping. It must be Saturday! We get to play the Thrashers again today. And without out Luke we’re toast! As I get up I see a peculiar package on my desk. As I open it I notice that it was from Andy and he must have been here last night when I was asleep. He calls himself the night hawk because he can stay up all night and never sleep. As I open it I smell a sweaty odor emitting from the package. Finally as I open it up its Luke’s jersey and hockey socks. Why would Andy give me these? Quickly I realize that there’s a note attached to the bottom. “Hockey player Pierre Page once said this.” “ A player must be able to skate, have hockey sense, be able to shoot - not necessarily able to score - and have drive.” “And With these you’ll never lose another game again for the rest of the season.” Luke Well some words of advice for Luke I don’t think that these will make a bit of difference. They’re just an old pair of hockey socks and how can he believe that I can lead a team on such short notice? Just then the door bell rang. It’s Luke. “Hey you like my little present?” “How can you just expect me to lead a terrible team thru the playoffs?” “Well I couldn’t help it that I got hurt.” “I think that that’s being a little cruel.” “Well I should go” “I thought you’d be happy.” . . . . .  “He shoots, he scoresssssss! The first playoff game is a win for our famed franchise the Bears win!” said our team’s announcer Mr. Donnagy. The game was over. We actually won a game. Better yet I captained our win. Our coach was so happy that he went out and bought us the official toy WWE belt so that if we won again the MVP of the game got to wear it. The only problem was that we get to play those no good, rotten Thrashers in the finals and without Luke! I mean he’s missed at least four games. Just then the phone rang. It was Stanley Ranger. “You guys are gonna’ lose!” And that was all he said. I could feel the temperature rising in my head and the blood boiling in my veins. Then I said to myself “Were going to win.” . . . . .  In the dressing room. “We have to win, cause’ if we do we can say that we actually beat the best team plus the team that the commissioner picked.” “Yeah, Mr. Crenshaw said that if we win he’ll quit his job and move to Vegas.” Jack said as he pumped his hands with glee. “Okay team.” said our coach Mr. Brooks. “You people go out there and try your best but have fun too. If we win we get gold and if we lose we can still capture the silver but no matter what we can be happy knowing that we the Bears came out of the last place spot and had a chance of actually winning the Bryar Cup. You should be very proud of yourselves. “So on three, one two three Bears!!!” . . . . .  As the period started up you could feel the tension rising in the bellies of the teams. The puck went from on side of the ice to the other. The first goal scored by none other than Stanley Ranger was the pivotal moment in the game. It gave the Bears a sort of sense of how much this game meant. Just as the face-off took place one of the Thrashers assistant captains took a penalty for slashing Andy in the chops and as the Thrashers player was going off another of their players punched the lights out of Jimmy Dunphy. And so with three minutes left in the first period our team was on a five on three. As the period drew to a close Andy scored with a couple of seconds left. So at the end of the first it was tied one-one. Then in a scoreless effort in the second it still remained one-one, the lone star third. If we could just score one goal and hold off the Thrashers we’d have a chance at the Cup. In the first five seconds the Thrashers struck with another goal by Stanley Ranger. As he pumped his fists with joy the referee called the goal off because Stanley’s foot was in the crease. Then with nine minutes left we scored on a fluke. Jimmy popped one by their goalie when eh was just trying to clear the puck from the other end. Now if we could just hold them off for the rest of the game. With thirty seconds left in the game I scored to make it virtually impossible for them to win. You could just see the anger in Mr. Crenshaw’s face. So he did what any coach would do. He pulled the goalie and sent out his six best players against our five “players”. But in his best efforts he failed. We won, he quit his job and I won the belt. But now I konw how sweet it is to be ¡All tied up! 1. Should I have put a prologue. What are your thoughts.
 * Prologue**

2. Do you think that my characters are well definded?

3. Is the plot well defined, if not explain why or why not?

4. Is the imagery good? Can you "see" the characters?

5. What areas could I improve on?