Personal+Info+template

Grade:6 Best Vacation: to Manitoba Birth Month: August Career Goals: Lawyer Favorite Band(s):GreenDay and Fall Out boy Favorite Candy: twix Favorite Food: ribs Favorite Munchie: All munchies Favorite Soda: pepsi Favorite Subject: phys ed Hobbies/Sports: almost all Pet Peeve: When People cheat to get done Pets: 1 dog 1 fish and 1 cat Siblings:2 Other things you should know about me...

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my story Hi am Joseph an I am 6 years old and I have a sister named Angelique she is ten years old,and my papa and mama. Well I like to help my family and try to show them that I can do what they can do. The things that I like to do for fun is playing and go horse back riding and help my family clean up when I have time to myself. I like to find nice rocks and bugs. Later I go eat a then its fun but i wish my family would b with me when i do that they would but i am just going to have to wait in tell they can play with me but i didn't have none to play but i well just have to play with myself and so i went in to the forest and find some rocks to get my papa really like my rocks that i bring home we put then by the fairer to make it look nice and i make e stuff out with then its really fun to do but i wish my sister wou8ld help me or someone at least the next day i wonted to go out and look for more rocks but my papa wanted me to stay home and watch the stuff for him so i guess i had to stay well okay. I said. we we well be back fore you now it okay papa said Joseph's we are just getting dinner for tonight well i really guess they are not coming in tell nite he said to him slef well if there a re going to be along time am going to go find rock they want even no i was gone well wanted to stay and find rocks well you can do that when we get back okay. its been like an hour said joseph well i when he went in to the forest and he find ou this beutyful rock they getting but it was stck in the three well i guess am going to hae to fingd a different one he wanted that one really bad but it wouldnt come off so he want back to to threee and he trying gettting a aguin and he was so mad that he got it hes like wowo i got it coowill am going to go show papa it o i forgot about it i ahve to go back really fast before they get back well hes wa running he find out that he was lost o no said joseph said i going to get in troulb am scard not of the dink of what papa is going to say when hessee that am not there. ill what am i going t do. he was yelling he heart out

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) We had no clue what was happening in this story. We actually could not follow it. It was confusing. 2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? We really couldn't understand anything at all in this story. Sometimes, you write in first, second, or third person all in the same sentence!!! The punctuation and spelling were extremely hard to understand. Splitting things into paragraphs would help a little more.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? There weren't many characters in this story. You were talking about a 6 year old boy and then his dad and then the boy again, all in one sentence. Also, when there are people talking, you need to put quotes around the dioalouge.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? You didn't really describe things that well. You need to put it into more detail and have more adjectives. We weren't able to experience the story because you didn't put it into any detail.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? There is room for improvement throughout the whole dioalouge.