HA-Joshua+Bel


 * Hi, my name is Joshuah **
 * Grade: 6 **
 * Best Vacation: gold coast **
 * Birth Month: July **
 * Career Goals: **
 * Favourite Band(s): wolf mother and green day. **
 * Favourite lolly: gum. **
 * Favourite Food: ice cream. **
 * Favourite Munchies: chocolate. **
 * Favourite drink: milk shack. **
 * Favourite Subject: Sport. **
 * Hobbies/Sports: Racing on my push bike and football. **
 * Pet Peeve: getting hurt. **
 * Pets: Cat, birds, fish and did have a dog. **
 * Siblings: 1 brother, 2 sister and a Mum and Dad.

//__Red blood__

Well done Bec you have sold your first house. You have got the job, congratulations. By the way who did you sell it to? Jeff wicked and his two sons called Raff and Bailey. They bought it for$120, 000. Well done, that is the record.

That means you get $2000 in cash. You can come to my 21st birthday party. It will be lots of fun. Wall ok. 2 days latter. (Music playing) at Bec’s house. At 10:30 a policeman came and said to be stop being loud. So they all went home, but there were three people on the ground dunk. One of them was a girl. The next day Bec goes to Jeff house for a cap of tea or coffee.

The next day Bec went back to Jeff’s house, but when she got there they were on the floor with red stuff on them, Bec thought it was blood. So she called the police but when she got inside they were gone then a door went BANG!! She got scared and falls to the ground. Then a policeman woke her up. The policeman’s looked around Jeff’s house for some clues. There were red foot prints all over the floor. So the entire Policeman’s followed the foot prints.

They went up stairs then lead to Jeff’s room they opened the door and there it was……………..oh, it is just Jeff in his bed with paint on his shoes and his cloths. Then they saw more foot prints, so they followed them and they lead to the boys Raff and Bailey. So the case is they must be that Jeff and his to sons were painting the walls and they must have fall on to the ground and fall to sleep. So the polices man went home and went and had tea. The next day Bec went to Jeff’s house to ask were did you last night. So she did.

When she knocks on the door the door and Bailey answered the door. Bec said to Bailey. “Hi Bailey it is me Bec can I came in.” “Why.” “I want to talk to talk to your dad.” “Ok, come in.” “Hi Jeff I want to talk to you about what you did last night.” “Ok.” Said Jeff. “I want to tell you something to.” But you go first.” ” I went out for tea with my friends and Bailey and Raff.” “Now what was it you want to tell me?” Ok, But I want Bailey and Raff to go to there room, then I can tell you.” “Ok here I go, Bec will you marry me.” “Yes, yes I will.” So they did and they a happy ending.//

****SMS** **Group 3** 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) --We guess the plot is original. We haven't heard anything like it.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? --We saw a few characters, but the story could use some work. Maybe you could think of more plot to tie everything together.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? --We couldn't imagine it like they were right in front of us; there wasn't enough description.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? --We couldn't get a lot of pictures in our head about what happened. Maybe you could use more adjectives.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? -- Honestly, the whole story could some work. Maybe after you use more things to describe and tie everything together, then it will make sense. <span style="font-family: 'Arial','sans-serif'">
 * 1) My earliest memory of Mum.
 * 2) My mother always tells me..
 * 3) Her favourite food is….
 * 4) …. favourite colour..
 * 5) ….favourite piece of furniture
 * 6) At home she cooks..
 * 7) In her spare time, she…
 * 8) Mum’s special interest or hobby…
 * 9) Her favourite gadget…
 * 10) Mum likes it when…
 * 11) She gets cross when…
 * 12) When I shut my eyes, I see Mum..
 * 13) If I had money I would buy her…

Saint Michael School
1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not? I would let her live because it as a good story 2. Be specific, try not to merely write, " this was good", instead explain what was good about it and why. I hope its sold in a book store 3. Nominate "Hall of Fame" stories. Yes.