LMS+Group+14

(1)Ryan, (2)Justin, (3)Andy, (4)Jonathan Grade: 6th, Best Vacation: Hong Kong, Texas, Japan, Taiwan Birth Month: November, March, October, June Career Goals: Engineer, Football Player, businessman, engineer Favorite Band(s): Lupe Fiasco, Mike Jones, None, Linkin Park Favorite Candy: Skittles, Mentos, Twix, Butterfingers Favorite Food: Ramen, Fried Chicken, Ramen, Cup Noodles Favorite Munchie: Chex Mix, Party Mix, Chex Mix, Lays Favorite Soda: Coca Cola, Root Beer, Mountain Dew, Sierra Mist Favorite Subject: PF, PF, PF, PF Hobbies/Sports: Soccer, Baseball, Basketball, Basketball Pet Peeve: Chinese Clip, educational television, Chinese Clip, Chinese Clip Pets: Nothing, none, Dog, crayfish Siblings:brother and sister, brother, brother, brother Other things you should know about me..... Asian, American, Asian, Asian

=Our Story=

From Orphan to Billionaire
There was one orphan on the streets of New York, begging for money. His name was Willie Archibald.Then, some gangsters were running up to him. He knew that they were coming for him. He got up from the ground, and started to sprint as fast as he could. As he was sprinting, he tripped over a rock and fell into a sewer. SPLASH! He saw the gangsters close the manhole, trapping him in there.

Minutes past, as he walked further into the hole. Willie tried to find some light, an opening on the top. Just as he was about to turn back, he saw a dim, neon green glow. Willie followed it. Then, he saw a glass bottle filled with disgusting, green liquid. He didn’t want to drink it, so he just left. Days past with no food or water. He was going to die if he didn’t eat or drink for another day. Suddenly, he remembered the green liquid he found days ago. He wondered if it was still there. Willie decided to try to find it.

He spent hours walking back. He was very tired. Willie was about to give up when he saw the dim, green glow again.

“YES!” He yelled.

Willie sprinted towards the green glow. There, he saw the green liquid again. He examined it before quickly gulping it down. Few hours later, he was feeling very sick and weak. He heard a bubbling sound in his stomach. There suddenly was a hurting pain in his stomach. He started to throw up. Willie regretted drinking the liquid. He fell to the ground, groaning with pain.

Willie crawled to one side. He saw a flash of light. It looked like a flashlight. It was very close. The light was getting brighter, until he saw a dark figure in the shadows.

“Hello,” the dark figure said, “My name is Billy Archibald. Are you ok?”

“Billy Archibald? I’m Willie Archibald. Are we related or something?” “Oh my god! You’re my son! I have found my son!” He hugged Willie. “Let’s go to the place where your mother and I live.”

They walked slowly. Willie told his dad about everything, and ended with talking about how he drank that liquid.

“What? A green liquid? You mean the Reviving Potion? Your mother and I have been searching for that for years! You drank it? How did it feel like? Did it help you?”

“I drank it, and I felt really bad. I was really weak…” Suddenly, he fell a lot better. He felt stronger. “But..whatever. Let’s just go to your home. I want to see how you guys live now.” “What’s your job? Where do you live? I want to know all about you guys!”

So they walked a lot faster. They finally got back. It was a small, tiny hut that they built out of pieces of wood found in the sewer. “So…this is it. This is our home. Do…you like it?” says Billy. “It..it’s ok…” Willie started to cough because there was a smelly odor coming from somewhere. He followed it. He found out it was his mom. His mom saw him and hugged him. “What’s your name, mom?”

“Lilly Archibald.” She started to sob.

They ate sewer rats for dinner. Even though he wouldn’t eat it at first, he thought it wasn’t half bad after he ate a bite. So he ate more. They had a water purification machine, so they purified the sewer water to drink. “Life here isn’t as bad as I thought,” said Willie.

The next day they went to search for another reviving potion. The parents say that there are ten reviving potions scattered in the sewers of New York. But it probably would take a long time. They walked and walked. Nothing showed up. It felt like walking million miles. Until it suddenly paid off. They saw a dim, green liquid,. The same color that Willie saw when he found the first one. Willie and Billy sprinted to the green glow. Willie accidentally kicked the bottle. The bottle started to roll. Billy took a random dive to catch the bottle before it went into the sewer water. The bottle still fell into the water. It began to sink. Billy dived into the water. He swam down, looking for a green glow. He found it and grabbed it. He swam back up, and he found Willy. “I got it! I got it!” shouted Billy. As they walked back to their house, Willy accidentally tripped over a pipe and fell into the water. Billy put down the bottle and jumped into the water again to save Willy. Willy didn’t know how to swim, since he was never tought to. He panicked. Willy screamed for his life. He felt a hand touch his and he knew it was his dad’s. He was saved. They came back up to retrieve the bottle, all tired and wet. They finally got back to tell his mom the good news. “Mom! Mom! We found a reviving potion!” “Really? That’s great! Let’s drink it!”

They waited until the next day to drink it. They took it and poured it into three, small tin cans. They all chugged it at the same time. The same side effects happened. They felt really sick and weak. After a couple hours, the pain wore off. They were stronger now.

They lived like this for ten years.

One day, Willie woke up with a nightmare. He dreamed that his parents died. He went to check on his parents. “MOM? DAD? ANYONE?” No answer. “HELLO? ARE YOU GUYS THERE?” Still no answer. He saw his parents on the floor. It looked like his parents were sleeping. Willy shook his dad. His dad did not move. He went to shake his mom. She didn’t move either. Both their hands were white and cold. “NO!!!!!!!!!! MOM! DAD! PLEASE WAKE UP!!!”

He found blood dripping everywhere. His parents were coughing up blood last night. They died of food poisoning. Willy did not eat dinner last night because he was not hungry. The rats that they ate was poisonous.

Willy tried to find an opening. He took the water purification machine. He walked for days, not knowing where he was. He did not find any opening or light. Two more days past. He saw a tiny, dim light. Also a green, glowing light. He sprinted to the light. He found an opened manhole, and also a reviving potion. He was relieved. He took the potion and climbed up to the opening. At last he saw light. He was a bit blinded at first, but it was ok.

New York looked a lot different. The streets and buildings looked different. The cars were all different, too. This looked like a whole different world.

Twenty years past. He is a rich billionaire. He became rich because he took the reviving potion he found in the sewer and reproduced it. He sold that and became a billionaire. He opened a company called “The Archibald Company”.

One day he was on the internet. He used Google to search up “Archibald.” The first result was his company. The second was a page regarding his parents. He opened it. It said: Billy and Lilly Archibald are scientists. Their latest experiment was going into the sewers to find what is called “ a reviving potion.” They were missing inside the sewers for many years. Their son, Willy Archibald, opened a company that sold it. Their son has finished their work. People have found Billy and Lilly dead inside the sewers.

That was the end of that article. Willy finally understood. He had found out that his parents were scientists. He had finished his parent’s work. Just cause he accidentally fell inside a manhole, he became a billionaire. He wrote a book called __From Orphan to Billionaire: An Accident.__

From then on he had a good life. But he still missed his parents. He walked inside his office and he started crying. “I loved my parents,” he said.

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) Yes its original and well thought up.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? The problems faced are clear and they add interest to the story. The climax can be improved.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? The people in the story were very lifelike, and you can feel what they feel at times.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? Yes.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? Some parts happened to quickly and went above the pace the rest of the story was going at.

1. Punctuation, grammar, word choice. The language in the story was well chosen.

1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not? Of course, it was a fairly good story.

2. Be specific, try not to merely write, " this was good", instead explain what was good about it and why. Well, it had twists, some details and it just simply wasnt half bad.

3. Nominate "Hall of Fame" stories. Sure, it could go there.