HA-Shannon

THE ACCIDENT

“Tears formed in the corner of my eyes and trickled slowly down my cheeks.”I didn’t know what had happened. We were all alone in the middle of somewhere. We thought we were in killarney? My sisters and brother had all been crying.

My sister had said that we’d hit something. We all got out of the car and checked if dad was still there. He was laying back in his seat unconscious. The cog had broken so the seat had been pushed back and one of the girls had blood on their sock.

A dark blue car pulled up and a lady hopped out and a man and lady got out of a red crimson Ute. My brother had gotten glass in his forehead. The lady from the Ute, whose name was Carmel Madden gave my brother a tissue for his head.

A middle aged man came out of nowhere as we tried to ring the ambulance and screamed “can you shut that car up!!!” The alarms were going non stop. He rang the ambulance for us.

The ambulance soon arrived and we hopped in. They saw my sisters sock. She said she wasn’t hurt. it was blood from dad’s head. They said that they had to check it anyway. They looked at everyone. They came to me and saw I was really bruised. On the way to the hospital I was speaking to my sister. She said I can’t believe I’m not dead I was right next to him.

We slowly got to the hospital and they took me to have an ultra sound to see if I was bleeding internally. They put cream on me so they could see through all my guts. Luckily I wasn’t!

After my ultra sound we all hopped into a hospital bed. I was next to Billie. I asked her if she thought dad had died. She said I think he’s gunna be okay. At that point I wasn’t sure that he would be right.

I had a throbbing head ache and a turned gut. I said to mum can I please go and see dad? She said no they have to check him to see if he is still breathing.

The lady put on 101 Dalmatians. I didn’t really want to watch it because I had a head ache and it would make it worse. I went to sleep and I had a dream.

I woke up and mum came in with a worried look on her face. She asked us all to sit down and she slowly said “your father has passed away.” We all burst into tears but Jobe tried to show he was strong. Mum explained that it was okay to cry.

I tried to ring my friend Georgie but got the answering machine and Danlee rang her friend end Kellie and she came to the hospital and stayed with us.

We all went off to bed, but I was finding it hard to sleep. I slept out near my special nurse Nicole. In the morning I got a call from my friend Georgie. I explained to her how much I was missing dad and that it was getting hard.

Georgie said she was at her dad’s and she had seen it the newspaper. We went home and drove to nana Glenys’s to see the family who had came down overnight.

We have been grieving since the night of your loss For ever in our hearts Dad shannon 08

This is a true story of my experience at the age of 10.

. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement?