HA-Sharna

 =LONELY=

Tears formed in the corner of my eyes and trickled slowly down my cheeks as I watched my dad drive far away down the icy roads.I watched him leaving until he was as small as a speck and then I just sat on the dewy grass. It didn’t even matter that the grass was wet nothing mattered anymore now that dad is gone nothing will ever be the same.  In soggy pants, I walked as slowly as I could into the kitchen where mum was still sitting frozen at the kitchen table. She took one look at me and broke down into tears.  It’s been one hour since dad left and the house has already fallen apart without him Thomas, my little brother, is 5 and doesn’t quite understand what has just happened, he is just upset because dad always takes him on rides wherever he goes. Mum has locked herself in her room and Thomas is feeding his pet rabbit winky. I knocked on mum’s door but she didn’t reply so I knocked once more and said that I was going for a walk.  I pushed the front door open and walked as fast as I could and somehow I ended up at the park. The park is where I, Thomas and my father used to play when mum was fussing over cleaning the so-called messy house. Just seeing the park made me have to dry my eyes so almost instantly I collapsed onto one of the rickety swings and started to rock all so gently and slowly rocking and softly crying I fell asleep.  I was dreaming a beautiful dream about a secret island where no one was ever sad or angry, and the whoosh of the ocean was ever so soothing and slowly I was drifting in it. Whoosh, whoosh, “aaagh!” Whoosh, whoosh, “aaagh!” Whoosh, whoosh, **As soon as I heard a scream I woke in a flash, I was so shocked that I nearly fell off the swing, as soon as I could see I looked up at who was screaming and I realised that it was just a little kid she looked at me for a while and then she took a big breath ready to scream.  **“MUMMY THE MEAN GIRL WONT GET OFF THE SWING” ** The scream was ear piercing and I stared in shock that such a little girl could let out such an unnatural scream. As I was sitting there dumbstruck a lady that was very tall came a started babbling on and on about thinking about little kids before yourself.  <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'">I was still shocked from being awoken so abruptly but I slowly slumped of the swing and dragged my feet over to the wooden seat it felt like I couldn’t take another step but I acted automatically, with the lady still glaring at me I didn’t feel welcome so I wandered off somewhere else. <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'"> <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'">I wandered so far for so long looking at my feet that I didn’t see that I was in the bustling market and there was a lot people that were trying to dodge me, when I looked up for the first time an old lady in front of me jumped in fright. <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'">I looked at the old lady and apologised. <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'">I felt so useless.
 * <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'">“AAAGH!”

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story?

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement?<span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'"> <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'"> <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'"> <span style="font-size: 12pt; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif'">