HA-Joshua+Bea



Hi, my name is josh Grade: 6 Best Holiday: Queensland Birth Month: April Career Goals: Runner Favorite Band(s): Green day Favorite Lolly: Wizz Fizz Favorite Food: pasta Favorite Munchie: chips Favorite soft drink: coke Favorite Subject: PE Hobbies/Sports: running and driving my motorbike Pet Peeve: maths Pets: 1 dog 2 cats Siblings: 4 brothers 4 sister and Mum and Dad

I’m walking through this really old and scary forest. I hear lots of noises. I’m starting to get freaked out. I start to run. A few minutes later I see that I’m running circles. I stop and I try to walk in a straight line. I finely come to an old house. That just scared me even more. Every thing around the house looked dead. I knocked on the door. No body answered. The door was unlocked. I walked in. I look around very slowly. I see someone by the window. I walk over. It’s an old lady sitting there. I asked her if she new the way out of the forest. She said yes and told me were to go. After that she went on and on about how no body cared about her. It was like a tape recorder going over and over. Then I started to feel sorry for her. I made a promise to the old lady that I would come see her every second day so she didn’t feel lonely any more and so I had a friend. It made me feel a bit weird having an old lady as an only friend and going to school. “The worst placed in the word”. Kids at school started to fined out that my best friend was an old lady who no body even new. I get teased even more and my life gets miserable even more. I wish I wasn’t even born. Then I wouldn’t have to put up with all of this. So I did the only thing what was possible for me. After school every day I would get of the bus and sneak of to my best friends (old lady) because I didn’t see the point in going to school. I was getting tired of all the names and tricks I have to go through at school. “You don’t want to now what all the things were”. Two weeks later I haven’t been to school and my best friend was getting a very sick in the head. I new there was only one thing to do. I rang the doctor. Took him about 15 minutes to get here. He came over and he told me the bad news. She was going to die. A week later she passes away and I just think how I’m going to cope at school. ** **“She is gone”. Every body at school feels sorry for me. A heap of things were going through my mine. But I thought it might be good time to get some friends at this time when every body feels bad for me. I felt good and I felt bad at the same time if that makes scents to you. Then I thought life at school was alright. Not like it uses to be.**
 * On the first day of school it was hell. Being the new kid was not easy. At the end of the day I miss the bus “great”. I think. Now I have to walk home. I don’t even now what way I have to go. I can’t even remember what my street name is. So I just walk around until I just guess which way to go.

1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?) -Yes. It is original.

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed? -The suspense was exciting but it all happened so fast it was hard to understand what was going on.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions? Yes the characters are life-like because people face those problems all the time.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story? - No, sadly we didn't hear what the people were saying but it was certainly loud. Which means, we don't relate to what happened but it was still well written =]

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement? -The spelling and the suspense. Good job!!

**Starting May 1st (2008):** candy221 1. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)your story is scarey

2. Think about problems that the characters face. Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?you could add some picther.

3. Think of characterization—are the characters life-like? Are characters likable and enjoyable? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?your story is good.

4. Think of imagery and details. Do they help you //see// and //hear// and //experience// the story?that happend to me on halloween.

5. What areas of the story need the most improvement?none of the story need inproved.

Saint Michael School
1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not? -Yes I would because it was one of the best stories I had read in a long time. 2. Be specific, try not to merely write, " this was good", instead explain what was good about it and why. -This story was very good in my opinion because it shows all people can lose their loved ones in life. You know we all had. . . (think about it) 3. Nominate "Hall of Fame" stories. -Y-E-S because it shows what some kids go through. Also what all people go through when you lose a loved one through out life.